Help Meet and Not Help Mate

Photo by Elaine Casap on Unsplash

And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18 (KJV)

If you’re single and ready to mingle, then this stuff is for you. Even if you still don’t have any desire to marry soon, this is still for you, to prepare you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually when the time comes. And I believe that this may save you a lot of heartache for as what Pastor Jentezen Franklin have said, “the most miserable person in the world is not single, it’s the one who married the wrong person”. You may think that it ain’t going to happen in your life, but watch out, everyone who have entered into an intimate relationship have said the same thing. If you’ll enter into marriage life without solid biblical principles, and is not pursuing God more than anything else, then you’re in a very critical condition. You’re just not ruining your destiny, but you’re also causing your future children to fall into the same destruction. Prevention is always better than cure, and it’s my prayer that as you read along, the Holy Spirit will open your spiritual eyes so you could discern the plans of God for your life specially in terms of having a relationship with the opposite sex.

What is marriage? Is it still a good idea? Well, defining marriage is “no-brainer”, so I’ll just post my thoughts here on what “marriage” is NOT. God’s marriage is actually not solely designed for multiplication, but a supplementation for man to be good at doing the task that God have assigned to him to do. He said, “I will make him a help meet for him (Gen. 2:18, KJV).”, and help for what? Was it for multiplication? I would say not, for if God have intended man to multiply at once, He would have created the woman together with the man when he was formed. The Bible said that God made man in His own image and likeness and it pleases Him more than the rest of His creation, then He placed man in the garden and put instructions on what he needs to do. Then, interestingly, when God saw something that’s not good when man was still alone, God made the animals from the ground (Gen. 2:19), just like how he formed the man (except breathing on the nostrils) and brought it to him. In other words, God actually have created animals to be the man’s help, but it was the man who didn’t find it suitable for him (Gen. 2:20, NIV). So, when God created the animals to help the man, would you think, God’s intention is for multiplication? Absolutely not. God decided to create the woman when the man still have longed for a different companion, and God knew that that longing is for the one that’s just like him. So we knew the rest of the story, God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and took a rib of his body, and there was Eve, and she’s then called woman, the man with a womb. Sure enough, Adam found her comparable to him, and the first marriage happened. The two became one, and the rest is history. Is this stirring up some controversy? What about the 1 chapter of Genesis where it said that God created mankind, male and female, and commanded them to rule, take dominion and multiply? For sure, by that statement, we can say that the reason God made the man and woman is for multiplication. Here’s the situation, the first chapter of Genesis is like the summary on how God have started the creation, including men (man and woman), and the Bible gave us some more details especially on the men side on how God made them both male and female. Many Bible scholars also have concluded on this (regarding Genesis Chapters 1 and 2 on how God created man and woman). What I’m stressing out is that, the idea of multiplication happened when Eve was formed. God must have seen that the man was happy, and was already doing good on the task that He have set for him when he got his wife, so why not mandating them to create their own kind. The many the better, would you agree? I’m not a Bible scholar, but I believe that we’ve been taught to focus on what’s really not the focus in terms of having someone that we’ll spend with for the rest of our lives. I think most of our mindset in terms of getting married is not really in doing good at serving God, or to be able to fulfill their God given dreams by having someone to help them meet whatever is lacking for it to get fulfilled, but just to follow our fleshly desires, to have children, to have companion, to have someone to talk with, to lift you up when you’re down, to warm you when you’re cold, to help you when you’re sick, it’s all about ourselves. Fulfilling our wants and our needs, and not really fulfilling what God wants for us. And as what you can see, a lot of marriages today have gone wild, divorce here and there, and fatherless children are everywhere. Teenagers, young professionals, singles that are longing to have a partner, are obsessed in finding the right one for them, the right one to fulfill their wants and needs, not knowing that it would never be fulfilled, for flesh could never be satisfied. Fornicating, thinking that virginity is no big deal already, and not realizing the terrible curse they’ll get in abusing God’s gift to pro-create and enjoy life under marriage. Even Christians, followers of Christ, they’ll easily get distracted with their emotion. When someone that’s attractive to them, they could easily turn away from the work that God have assigned to them. They’ll leave the ministry, thinking that they’ll have a better life without it as long as they’re with the person they’ve so desired. There’s nothing wrong with physical attraction with the opposite sex, it’s just natural. If you’re in the right age to marry, then go ahead and marry than to burn with passion. But it’s always better to have self-control at all times, for God does really have someone that would be your help meet in fulfilling God’s purpose for your life, or else, you will end up with full of regrets. You may find success and have children to carry your successes on the next generation, but your life will be in misery, for satisfaction comes only when you have lived your life in God’s plan. Wife or husband should be the person that would help you do good in your calling. You maybe called as one of the fivefold ministry mentioned by Paul in the Bible (Pastor, Teacher, Evangelist, Prophet, and Apostle) to edify the Church, or you maybe called to finance a ministry, or just whatever your calling is for the expansion of His Kingdom, if God sees that you need a help, then He will give you your help meet, your wife, and fulfill God’s dream, and carry it on to the next generation by having children.

So how can we have our help meet? Well, I’m single and in really doing God’s ministry and here’s my insight for this. Though, I’m not sure if you would like to know, for you may already have something in your heart on what to do about it, but you may check how I relate it to the life of Adam, on how he met his Eve.

“Adam first received instructions from God on what to do in the garden, and he went on and allowed himself to be occupied with it. He was enjoying God’s work, but God may have noticed something that’s not good in his work when He said that “it’s not good for man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper comparable to him”. It’s God who noticed that Adam needed a help, and hot him. So just like this, just make yourself busy with the ministry you’re in, and allow God to discern your need, if you need to really have a help, then as the Bible says, God took him to deep sleep, like perhaps, God has given him a break on his ministry, and when he went back, God gave him his Eve. Adam said, she’s bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, so for me, if I’m not doing good in my ministry, and I need to have a help meet, God will give me the woman I should marry that would be like me. Not maybe how I look like physically, but more like, the same passion in serving God, perhaps, have some similar experiences and principles in life. Though perhaps I won’t really be seeing all the things I’ve imagined her to be, but she should met whatever my need is to get my ministry to work better. Anyway, another way in distinguishing your help meet is with the factors shared by Pastor Jentezen Franklin below:

  1. Spiritual Compatibility – Both of you must be leaders in the Church, and if you’re a man, you should be the one that’s more mature and more principled in the Bible.

  2. Character Compatibility – If she/he already failed in trust areas, no integrity, and you’re not yet married, then how much more when you’re already married. Well, there will always be weaknesses, but there should always be honesty as well.

  3. Emotional Compatibility – You and you’re “help” must be healed internally, with good relationship towards parents. He/she must be a compliment, like when you’re emotionally down; he/she’s there to lift you up, remember, a “help”. Should be constructive and not destructive, not just for you, but for others as well.

  4. Communication Compatibility – Imagine yourself getting hooked up for the rest of your life to a person that’s always talking negative things, stimulating doubts and not faith. Don’t even think about it.

  5. Physical/Sexual Compatibility – There must be physical attraction but this should be the least.

All of the 5 factors above should be met, or else, she/he’s not your Help Meet, but just your help mate.

Let’s show to this generation that God have something very special to those who trust Him, and is waiting for His perfect will. Imagine the kind of legacy we’ll be leaving to our children someday. A marriage that’s pure and a family that’s in line with God’s plan – by faith, this would be done, in Jesus name.

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